i wonder how they do it sometimes.
our kids .... with everything they have been through in their lives. to turn around and look at me and call me mum, and love us. honestly .... never underestimate the size of the love tank that our kids have.
i know that Proverbs 31 says that "her children shall rise up and call her blessed." but truly ... what did i do to deserve this!?!?!
my journey to this to this place of overwhelming love for my kids is pretty straightforward. emotional yes -- never underestimate that! but it was grief over not being able to have children, then paperwork to adopt and the process of bringing them into our lives. and then 6 years and two processes later we have three kids in our lives. woohoo!
but when i stop to think of what our precious little children went through .... and still go through -- and yet they turn around and their hearts are overflowing with love. it almost makes me weep ... i am in awe.
the loss they have experienced, the grief (disguised at times as anger!). why in the world would they ever trust us? isn't it the adults in their lives that have betrayed them? isn't it the adults who have abandoned them? and not just their birth families either .... they lived good lives in their orphanage ... and were yanked out of that. given to these white faced strangers who claimed love .... took them away from everything they new and was familiar to them .
why would a small child ever be able to trust in that? more to the point .... why should they?
and yet today they do. when i discipline them i sometimes cringe and wonder if they think i don't love them. walking that fine balance between teaching them the right way to behave and not destroying the trust that you have built .... it's hard one at times. i am human, i do the wrong things too! and yet .... after the "mum, i'm sorry for disobeying you" comes the lap hug, the cuddle and the whisper in my ear of "mummy .... i love you!".
the depth of our kids love tanks defies all norms. by right they should never trust, never bond ... and yet they do. they have this inbuilt capacity to love and craving to be loved. their love tank ... each day it grows deeper and wider ... and blesses my soul.