Sunday, October 23, 2011

sharing ....

i was on facebook this morning and saw this poem and it really touched me and i wanted to share it.  it was shared by a group on facebook called I LOVE ADOPTION, and they were quoting the source as LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH.  so i take no credit except to share it .... and trust that it resonates with your heart the way it did mine in the context my life and relationship to my children.

It's not about progressing, it's about returning.
It's not about silence, it's about stillness.
It's not about traveling far away, it's about being where you are fully.
It's not about building love, it's about removing your boundaries from it.
It's not about changing, it's about flowering.
It's not about struggling, it's about relaxing.
It's not about calm, it's about non-reaction.
It's not about capricious spontaneity, it's about sincerely responding in the moment.
It's not about rejecting, it's about accepting.
It;s not about nothingness, it's about somethingness.
It's not about learning, it's about not-doing.
It's not about later, it's about now ....

Monday, October 17, 2011

... unsettledness as a theme

ok .... so it's been a while.  sorry.  but sometimes ... that's just life!

we are now moved.  i wouldn't say settled in any shape form or fashion.  boxes still abound.  but we are here.  the kids have their clothes and toys.  i can cook a meal and we all have places to lay our heads.  we have had a night or two of kids being bathed and happily watching a kids movie as a break ... so something must be right.

Raymie ready
for school!
school.  kids are adapting fine.  they seem to like their teachers and are making friends well.  putting them on the bus for the first time today.... <sigh>  and they are happy.  the teachers have indicated that they are making friends well.  and that seems to be evident.  living in a small town you can't help but run into people you know regularly.  and Lea saw several friends over the weekend.  JJ has started in preschool one day a week and loves it.  making heaps of friends already .... as only JJ can.

home life has this underlying sense of unsettledness.  i have to admit it. the kids are acting up like there is no tomorrow.  and they seem to be refusing to listen in a way that they never have before.

and this is where i struggle as an adoptive mum .....

folks would say, you've moved ... things are unsettled and the kids are feeling their way .... give it time and things will calm down.  and too, i have one that particularly likes to make a big deal out of nothing and can over react and refuse to deal with the things that life throws at them, and you could argue they are milking this for all it's worth.

Lea ready to take on
the world!
and they are probably right.  because in many ways how our adopted kids deal with radical change is no different than biological kids.  and we need to deal with it that way so that the kids don't make a big deal about it.

BUT .... and yeah ... i do mean BUT ....

don't our kids have a radical theme of loss and abandonment in their lives?
shouldn't i at least be aware of that to the extent of acknowledging that this move MIGHT have triggered some of those feelings?

so i seem to be back to that old "fine line" thing again with the kids. balancing the need to be honest and acknowledge that the move could have stirred up some old feelings that need to be worked through and over emphasizing it to the point of allowing it to be an excuse for them to not, quite frankly, grow up and get on with life.

i am not sure there is a right or wrong answer in any family.  we have three kids, and all of them have dealt with the move in very different ways.  what i must do is be aware of their individual needs, with that underlying theme and try and help them normalise ....

part of the adoption journey that i embrace each day. and let's face it .... lots of kisses, cuddles and bed time songs can go a long way to settling any child's heart .....