Tuesday, May 17, 2011

when is sad good?

my youngest, who turned 4 in February is a parrot.  he mimics at least 80% of what his kuya and ate say .... perhaps slightly less of what we say .... but parrot is a good term for him.  it's a great way for him to learn and i like that.

he also parrots when it comes to his birth mum.  both ate and kuya have much more cognitive memories and thots about their birth mums ... but JJ was less than a year when he was admitted to the orphanage and really has no cognitive memory of his and raymie's birth mum.  so, when the others have been expressing thoughts or emotions about their history that way .... he does too ... parroting in every way!

today.  <sigh>

siblings are at school .... one of our days together.  we get home from running errands and he just flies off the handle ... disagreeing with everything!   being rude and refusing to be polite.  huh?  what tha?   where did that come from. well, as with any poor behavior, ok .... out comes the stool.  (the stool resides in our dinning room / kitchen area so that they can be in punishment without being away from us) he understand and he pouts and goes and sits on it, turning his back on me and pouting with his arms crossed.

ah well.  two can do this.  i just potter away in the kitchen for a few minutes.  he can take as long as he needs to get his act together .... doesn't matter to me!

and then ..... sniffle, sniffle ... with a bit of sob starting ..... "mummy ......"

"yes sweetheart"  i turn around to see him facing me on the stool.  tears pouring out of his eyes ....

"mummy .... i miss my m***** (birth mum)."  and the sobbing escalates.

oh man!  i put everything down, wrap my arms around him and hug him.  this is the first time, of his own accord that he has acknowledged the importance of his birth mother.  and yes, while there is heaps about it that a 4 year old mind can't get their head around .... what is obvious is that he is starting to come to terms with the loss in that very simple, basic way .... for the first time.

i ask him if he is feeling sad.
i bet you really miss her.
well you know what?  i am sure she misses you to and thinks of you a lot.  and i know that she loves you.  would you like to pray for her?
          "yes mummy ..... please pray for her."

dear father ... i pray for m**** right now.  i pray that you will protect her and take care of her and that you will bring people into her life so that she will come to know you.  i pray for JJ too Lord, that he would know it's ok to feel sad and that it is great to talk about it.  help him to know that m**** loves him and i pray that one day, they might get to see each other and give each other a big and wonderful hug.

i hug my son.  "hey JJ ... you know what?"

"what mummy?"

"i am so glad that you told me why you were sad.  you can always talk to daddy and i when you are feeling sad or just want to talk about m****.  we will always want to do that with you.  and you can always know that you are loved .... by mummy and daddy, by m**** and especially that you are loved by God."

"thanks mummy."

and off he tootles ... picking up his toy and off to play.

hmmmm  .... when sad is good.

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