but there is one memory that sticks in my heart and mind as much as all the amazing moments of starting our family wrapped together.
talking to the administrator of the orphanage, they said to us that when they go in to match families with children ....they do not look for the perfect family that has no problems .... they desire families who have struggled and made it through difficult times. she said, our children are damaged goods .... considered culturally to be unwanted in their society ... we want to put them with families who have struggled and survived .... so that they can be an example to the children of survival and strength.
she is a very wise woman.
i blew it today. ever had one of those days with your kids where you wish you could start all over again and give it another go? rewind so that your kids don't see the worst side of you? today was one of those days for me ... yes i did the right thing and gave each of them a kiss at bed time and told them i loved them ..... but will that make any difference to tomorrow?
i have lots of choices when they sun comes up tomorrow.
i have to make a choice to show my weakness and my humbleness to them so that they can see my reliance on my Father in Heaven .... to grow and change and be the person He wants me to be. it is in that that we can be an example of their opportunity to be better than their circumstances and to follow their Father God.
|picture of our daughter|
we rec'd on allocation
what is going to happen as they start to get to a cognitive awareness of of their history and birthright? of the fact that they were basically discarded by their own society (talk to an adult adoptee ... they will confirm that they do struggle with this stuff). unwanted, unloved. given to strangers from a foreign land, speaking a different language, put in a situation that is not familiar .... and with people who have COMPLETELY the wrong colour skin. my 8 year old is certainly well into starting to wrestle with just these basic issues and they create a sense of doubt and uncertainty in her life. what is going to happen, when as a teenager (or when it is age appropriate), we share more of her birthright with her? of the details of how she came to be with us?
many adolescent and adult adoptees go off the rails as they discover more and more of their history. some grab hold of the challenge at hand .... and others drown in the overwhelming emotions that engulf them. how they deal with the chaos in their hearts really depends on the examples that have been lived out before them by us, as parent survivors in our own right. don't i owe it to my kids to be giving them a foundation that says i am weak .... but i can find strength in surviving and growing and being better today than i was yesterday? in seeing their parents, live an honest and very fallen life before a Father God who loves us so much and craves for us to rest in Him? may i be that for my children. selah.
and well, as far as tomorrow goes.
it's a new day .... looking forward to what it brings me.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power
is made perfect in weakness."
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults,
in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-11