Preach It Sister!

a dear friend, with three home grown boys and a daughter that she brought home from the Philippines about two years ago keeps a great blog .... i always love the way she writes ....

today, wow!  she hit the nail on the head!  

please read her blog .... about the bigotry and the ridiculous system that australia embraces ..... this has gotta change!  honestly .... we went through the system when it was hard .... but the barriers that people face today make ours look minuscule.   we need to speak out loud on this injustice .... at the end of the day it is children who are suffering

love you nicki .... you keep it up sister!

in a perfect adoption world

christmas .... filipino style

just a few words today.  making our first family parol and realising how much i love this side of the year .... Christmas is an amazing time for the love of our Lord, family and friends and it our house it also means taking on filipino christmas music and decorations and parols ....

a parol is a christmas star.  in the PI these parol's take many shapes and forms and are ... well .... stunning.  in the past, we have hung one in our front window ... i wonder where it will go this year in our new house?

here at home we also make a child friendly version .... for the kids to enjoy and be part of making and to take to their classes and give to friends.  our season's first has been done ... i wonder how many we will make this year?

JJ show's off mum's first parol
of the season!

this will no doubt be the first of many christmas tradition posts.  and with each one i am happy to share ....

Malagayang Pasko!

waxing nostalgic

i have been feeling a bit nostalgic of late.  in spite of the utter chaos and anarchy that exists in our household right, now i am realising that my children are growing up .... and it's ... well ... tugging at my heart-strings.

my youngest will be going into preschool three days a week next year.  and then big school the year after.  i am getting a bit melancholy as i think about loosing the last of my kids from the baby years to focusing on learning and relationships that are outside my immediate sphere of influence.  <sigh>

don't get me wrong .... i am loving how they are growing and all the joys that accompany that ....but the need for massive cuddles and kisses is long gone, instead being replaced by a need to discuss and talk (come on honey .... can't i just give you a kiss and cuddle BEFORE we work on your homework problem???)  i grab them when i can .... and know the physical affection is mutually enjoyable.  but let's face it ... the need on their part is far less than it used to be.

so i'm waxing a bit nostalgic at the moment ... longing for the days of when they needed me so much.  and yet watching with great joy at the lovely children they are becoming and the beautiful hearts that accompany that.

i reckon it's something that every mum goes through as she watches her kids grow up .... i guess it's a part of our own growing up process too ... learning to let them go ... even just a bit .... to  become the people that God intended them to be.

"that" subject

so i was sitting with my daughter reading her devotions last night.  and the jist of it was the story of a girl who had lost her father and looking to God as her heavenly Father.  all really good stuff.

and then, because my gorgeous girl is at that very inquisitive almost nine year old phase started talking about "that" subject ....

.... her birth dad.

lots of families get information about birth families.  and generally, at least in the Philippines, you tend to get more about the birth mum.  the birth dad is often nebulous or even non-existant.  i know of one family where the birth dad is a known quantity and a positive thing.  but for the most part it's quite negative.

and it got me to thinking about how do you tell the story of the birth dad if they aren't around?  we get told in seminars and by our social workers that you can develop a positive story about the birth mum .... even if it is as basic as she loved you because she knew she couldn't provide for you so gave you to someone who would care for you .... and that is a big love.

but i think, well, at least for me, birth dads are a different issue.  for both my daughter and my boys, the birth dad is not around.  so when my little girl asks about him, finding that age appropriate information is hard. and should it be positive when it is not?

when my girl was four ... he never came up.

when she was six ... she wanted to know if she had a birth dad

when she was eight ... she wanted to know what his name was.

easy .... i can handle that!

and at the cusp of turning nine ... she wants to know why her birth mum and dad
aren't together because next time we go back it would be nice to meet him.

<sigh>

sweetie, he wasn't a nice man and your birth mum needed to be safe and left him.

i feel fine about that as an answer.  it is age appropriate and something she can understand at a basic level.  and it didn't phase her too much, which is exactly how you want it.  i know there will be more discussions and more information .... but later, much later ... when it is emotionally appropriate for the age they are at.

as our kids start to get to those intellectually inquisitive years, the bonding and need for affirmation of our place in their lives is so important.  i am more aware of that now than ever because they are aware of so much more.  i think we are fooling ourselves if we think it doesn't matter.  as our kids learn the stories of how they came to be adopted ... and all the information that goes with that.  as parents we have to be rocks for them of stability and love.

No one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, 

which is Jesus Christ.     1 Corinthians 3:11

those little reminders ..

so the move has been pretty rough on all of us.

but it feels like we are starting to get to the other side of it.  hubby is loving the challenge of his job and the kids are enjoying school.

perhaps things might start normalising?  right?  you would think so.

and then the little reminders happen.

waking up early .... and coming in to see you before 6:00 with a craft project they've obviously been working on for a while.  fingernails being chewed to the quick.  temper tantrums that harken back to the early days of coming home.  all these things that remind you that perhaps they aren't as settled as you had thot.

and then the brick drops.  my precious can't find me and when they do the first words out of their mouths are, "where did you go?  i thot you had left me!"

it is easy to forget that no matter what they say or do .... our adopted children have an underlying theme of grief and loss in their lives.  we can't hide it, we can't pretend it's not there.  it is path that we have to gently walk each day to build a strong foundation of stability and trust in their lives.  some days are tough, some days are easy.  finding that balance in pushing them forward vs letting them use the loss as an excuse not to work through things is not always an easy road to walk.  but it is ours and we happily chose it

so this is a day, a moment and a time where treading gently and carefully in the lives of my children is very important.  to reinforce to them that they are loved and treasured just the way they are.   

i reckon it's time to take my shoes off and walk in some clover.